Monday, December 22, 2003
10 Places You'd Rather Be Right Now:
*1 Friday night
*2 11/17
*3 Skiing
*4 on a cruise
*5 Australia
*6 France
*7 Jackie's House
*8 haning out somewhere with someone
*9 England
*10 anywhere but here
9 People Youd Like To Meet:
*1 Howie Day
*2 Guster (Joe included)
*3 The Thrills
*4 Oasis
*5 Johnny Depp
*6 Santa
*7 The Easter Bunny
*8 Josh Groban
*9 Winston Churchill
8 Things You Want Right Now:
*1 My Guster CD
*2 Howie/Guster to come to Meadowbrooke
*3 To meet someone really awesome
*4 my skis
*5 food
*6 to see a movie
*7 my christmas shopping to be done with
*8 to know everything for my two tests tomorrow
7 Things That Bother You:
*1 fake people
*2 liers
*3 my dad
*4 whining
*5 people always making annorexic comments or something of that nature towards me, your not helping
*6 Really long boring movies
*7 not being able to go to Paris
6 things You Couldnt Live Without:
*1 Music
*2 my computer
*3 aim
*4 my friends
*5 water/food
*6 oxygen
5 Friends You Couldnt Live Without:
*1 Bri
*2 Jackie
*3 Shea
*4 Dan
*5 Jaye
4 Of Your Coolest Family Members:
*1 Mom
*2 Gilldo
*3 My little cousin Joey
*4 My aunt Chris
3 Of Your Favorite Song Lyrics:
*1 I can't
*2 pick
*3 just three
2 Obsessions:
*1 Music
*2 Food
1 Person You Idolize: uh.. idk. no one really
Posted at 8:12:52 pm by x1K5E0G4o
Friday. Best day of my life. 12/19 = <333333333 forever. Howie Day is gorgeous, but his set was short. Too bad cuz i love him.. Meadowbrooke this summer? I hope so.. better read that damn e-mail. haha. Guster was amazing. Joe is a musical genious. Seriously, is there an instrument he can't play? Yah, his Mac popped during CDASH and we had to hear the most boring part twice, but its a good song. A few mishaps, Adam screwing up the lyrics to either way, Bri dropping a drumstick during HK which I don't think many people realized even if they say he did cuz the ppl in front of me who raised their hand couldnt even see him at the drum kit behind Ryan. I like HK, one of my favorite songs on KIT i think. I loved the Christmas medly, and just to let you all know, their 3 Jews singing Christmas songs. Joe, the only non-Jew on stage, sang Dradle, Dradle, Dradle. haha. Odd if you ask me, but people seemed to enjoy it. I wish Adam would talk more, hes a funny guy. A few ppl i know went to the Saturday night show and said it was pretty good, too. The crowd wasnt as energetic but the guys were more relaxed and the songs were tighter. Plus the Mac didn't pop. But they missed out of Bri's wonderful rendition of the 50 Nifty United States (the states song). For those of you who dont know what it is, he sings the 50 states in alphabetical order. all 50. its great. but night two did get to hear him sing Total Eclipse of The Heart and heard Melanie, meowing and all. Damn, now i wish i had gone both nights.
anyway, there are a lot more details but im too lazy to write them now. If you wanna hear all about it, just let me know, and ill be happy to share;)
so im still completly exhausted after friday night and shopping all weekend. Pissed that Kelley canceled on me Sunday cuz she "forgot" so we planned to go out 2night. Nope. Canceled again cuz her mom's mad at her and shes "afraid to ask". Thanks hun, bunches. Im not planning on Saturday anymore either cuz you seem really unreliable latley.
It didn't feel like Christmas until today when i got/gave out gifts. If you didnt get your present from me today, you'll get it 2morrow:)
ugh Soccer starts the 3rd. im so out of shape. :( gonna suck. okay im done too lazy to write any more
Mood: Pissed
Music: Guster - Homecoming King
Posted at 4:42:26 pm by x1K5E0G4o
Thursday, December 18, 2003
oh i never should have settled down, haning around in a one horse town, when everyone started sleeping around
only one more day. oh boy.
i have the busiest weekend. 2morrow.. yah you know. and were gonna get home really late. I have to be up at 8 on Saturday morning to go shopping with my mom. and making of christmas ornaments and cookies for monday will be started and hopefully finished. Sunday morning is Christmas with my grandpartents.. then later in the afternoon finishing shopping with Kelley. ugh. Christmas time is so hectic.
haha i have the WORST case of dixlecia i've ever seen. In French this morning, i wrote a verb "parler" "rapler" haha. I have no idea what i was thinking. Colin was making fun of me. Kinda like freshman year when we had to read Great Expectations. One guy's name was Goe, with a G. I kept spelling it Geo. haha. Colin laughed at me more. Stacey laugh at me little parler mix-up too. I'm dumb, and I can't speak English either. haha.
yah so, i prolly wont have time to update this weekend. But i'll be back Sunday night/ Monday afternoon. :)
¯Joyeux Noel .. 7 days®
Mood: Sleepy:[
Music: Josh Kelley - Small Town Boy
Posted at 5:16:48 pm by x1K5E0G4o
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
lazy gun messed up my television. you get no younger from those colors in your hair
today was a weird day, to be honest.
This morning, uh. Those people confuse me more than you can even imagine. I think their goal is to drive me insane, and its working. School was boring, can't keep my mind on things. I catch my thoughts wondering ever few minutes. It's hard to concentrate when I need to.
so I had to go out and spend MORE money on FLBA stuff 2night. Oh well, were making gingerbread houses at the social 2morrow which makes me extremley happy:) I've wanted to make one for weeks now. yay <3 thats gonna be the highlight of my day 2morrow.
poor bri was sick today:( she thinks she has the flu, which really sucks. I wanted to bring her soup, yet i have no ride to her house. I'll sprint;) haha. ilu hun, get better soon<3333
Shea got into a car accident today:( He's okay, thank god. and his dad's car is alright. I'm greatful. Don't need one of my favorite irish boys hurt;)
Friday. 2 days. excited like you wouldnt believe :-D <33333333333333
Mood: Alright :-/
Music: Oasis - Underneath The Sky
Posted at 7:42:10 pm by x1K5E0G4o
Tuesday, December 16, 2003
blame us cuz we are who we are
such a long long time ago..
Today is a sad, sad day. Howie, Guster, and Gavin DeGraw down in Boston at the Ophoreum Theatre. I wasn't going to drive down to Boston for 1 and 2 i wasnt going to pay $56 for a damn radio sponsored event. No thanks.
I've been talking to this girl Katie whos going to school down in Manchester, and she said that Howie's supposed to be coming down to Boston in February. If i have my license i might have to go. Depending on where in Boston it is. I don't think I'd feel to safe walking around the streets of Dorchester or anywhere around there late at night. nope, not me.
My mom told me all about her cruise last night. They became really good friends with a bartender, Roman, who lives somewhere foreign. I can't remember now, It starts with an S. But they want to go on another cruise sometime next year, and Roman goes home for 2 months then goes back out on the ships for another 7 months in May. He gets a friends and family discount and hopefully he can get them on another trip for cheaper. My mom said if I can find someone to pay their way they could come with me. I talked to Bri about it today, but shes not too sure. It is a lot of money, plus spending money and what-not. But I'm gonna have to pay most of my way now, so once I get a job in February I'll have to start saving. They want to go on a 7 day cruise, to some place warm. I'm saying Costa Rica or the Caribbeans. I really wanna go.
thats about it.. nothing too exciting happened today. Christmas is only 9 days away:-D
Mood: Happy:-D
Music: The Clarks - Penny On The Floor
Posted at 3:32:39 pm by x1K5E0G4o
Monday, December 15, 2003
well dance til the tide creeps in
wow, I love The Thrills. Irish Boys singing <3 Good Music.. i love it. Still waiting for 2 songs to download so I can burn the CD tho. I have like 50 band's or artists' CDs i wanna burn, but thats only gonna take forever. Good stuff to, a lot of stuff I'll bet most of you have never even heard of. I'll bet money on it.
anyway im in a better mood. My mom got home from her cruise last night <3 that made me happy. She has tons of pictures to show me. I wanna go to the Bahamas. That'd be awesome. If you guys want me to stay in this mood, don't IM me if i havent talked to you in awhile. It only seems to me that you wanna give me your sympathy and i dont want you to pity me.
mm the Jet song just came on VH1. Are you gonna be my girl. Oh i love it. haha i also love how all i ever talk about is something music related. haha I can't stray away from it for very long. <33
So happy we had a snow day today. I didn't do any of my homework which reminds me i should prolly go do that. leave me comments cuz you love me <3 they would make me feel better.
Mood: Cheerful:)
Music: The Thrills - Say It Aint So
Posted at 9:55:24 am by x1K5E0G4o
Sunday, December 14, 2003
just dont go back to big sur
I'm not feeling any better, so don't ask.
I sat around all day, feeling sorry for myself. I ate a lot. comfort food. Watched Glory and half of Hart's War. <-- Good Movies right there. I'm in love with Ben and Jerry's Phish Good Ice Cream. Who doesnt like caramel and marshmallow and chocolate? well i do.
My mom's getting home from her cruise 2night <3 i havent talked to her since Thursday morning. I miss her:(
So, Sadam Hussein has been captured. They got him this morning.
bout time. Only 8 months later. Gonna go watch VH1 now, cuz VH1 kicks MTV's ass.
Mood: Sulky :[
Music: The Clarks - Penny On The Floor
Posted at 9:32:42 am by x1K5E0G4o
Saturday, December 13, 2003
why am i trying to live if im just living to die
Don't tell me to put away message up saying i want to kill myself if i'm joking.. who said i was joking? no one has any idea how i feel, dont pretend you do. Everyone just do me a favor and leave me alone.
update to those of you who have no idea what im talking about:
i had a really really bad breakdown last night. You don't even know.
(1) I hate not being able to trust people, but its something i cant do anymore. I don't know if I trust anyone anymore. Everyone talks shit behind everyones back and im getting sick of it. If you talk about all your other friends do you talk about me too? I know people dont like being talked about behind their backs, and im sure you dont either, so try not to do it to other people. Yah, sometimes I do it to, i think everyone does, but im trying to make an honest attempt not to.
(2) I cant let my wall down for one second without someone saying something to piss me off. One of these days someones gonna say the wrong thing to me and I'm gonna snap. Yah, im suicidal, not something im proud of but when your depressed your depressed. I need help, you dont need to tell me that.
(3) Don't IM me online only when you want to give my sympathy. I don't need your pity. You don't seem interested in talking to me at any other point in time so don't IM me when im feeling sorry for myself. You arent helping the situation at all.
(4) I'm completly alone in this world. You may say you're always there for me but i dont think many people are at all. Those are just words to me, why dont you prove it so i can believe you. When i need people the most no ones ever there. no one.
(5) Sorry if any of this has offended you at all, im just sick of not being honest with people. People need to know what i think about them, and im ready to start standing up for myself.
I <3 the few friends I have, and this isnt directed to you. Bri, Shea, Kelley, and Jackie, thanks for actually being there and being the few people i can actually trust. I love you guys with all my heart, and i know that a couple of you know whats going on right now. Remember that I'll be here to. I'm only a phone call away or just down the road. You're always welcome to call me, day or night, no matter how shitty I'm feeling. Thank you for putting up with me, expecially latley, when i've been bitchy, annoying, or stubborn. I tend to do that sometimes. Please never forget that I love you 4 with every inch of my heart and soul.
Mood: Undescriable :'(
Music: Guster - Either Way
Posted at 9:06:04 am by x1K5E0G4o
Friday, December 12, 2003
wow. my friends make me cry. not because the upset me, but because I know that no matter how bitchy i am, how shitty im feeling, and how much i say i dont need anyone when i do, they'll be there. I'm crying right now. Jackie and Shea i love you two like you dont even know. My twin and my bro <3 I'd be absolutly lost without you guys. It means so much that you'll always stick by my side, not to many people would do that for me. The tears I'm crying are for the love of you guys and how much you mean to me. Never forget that I'm there for you, too. and that I love you. beyond time.
so after school me and bri went up to Portland to make sure we knew where the State Theater was. Easy as Pie.. i guess. Mapquest<3. It was a long ride though, 1 hour and 20 minutes or so on a three lane highway. I don't think Bri liked driving up there too much, and it was a long drive, so I feel horriable. I don't want her to have to feel obligated to driving me to these places. I feel like its my fault. Prolly cuz it is my fault.
I can't get enough of this song. Better Than Ezra - At The Stars. Howie did a cover of it so i decided to d/l the real thing and i can't stop listening to it <33.
I need to keep busy this weekend or else im only going to get more depressed. However, my only source of happiness that keeps me busy on the weekends in in the Bahamas until Sunday night:( So looks like I wont be very happy this week. Maybe I'll just sleep my life away. Or something, idk. idc anymore. I'm too hard on myself:(
Mood: Crying:'(
Music: Better Than Ezra - At The Stars x 4
Posted at 7:25:16 pm by x1K5E0G4o
Thursday, December 11, 2003
ugh. this sucks. please dont go around and tell me that things will get better. You dont know how I feel. No one does. I can't tell anyone what I'm feeling cuz I'm not so sure what they mean. I don't need anyone's sympathy. I'm used to being by myself and I can deal with this. I've dealt with so much more than this on my own. You can only being to imagine.
i feel as if no one knows me anymore. I dont really talk to anyone about my feelings, and I'm afraid to open up. I have trust issues, this i know and i think other people know, and i've been hurt and betrayed by too many people in the past. This is coming back to haunt me.
all this college shit has got me stressed out like you wouldnt imagine. Why do you have to choose what your gonna do for the rest of your life when your 16. BS.. thats what I say.
I havent hit rock bottom yet, but its coming. Its only a matter of time. Yah, i was happy. But i guess my happiness doesnt last long. Just get me through these next 7 days and I'll be fine. I'll garuntee you'll see a smile on my face next Friday night
Mood: Depressed:'(
Music: The Thrills - Big Sur
Posted at 6:18:15 pm by x1K5E0G4o
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At the end of the day, I'm gonna say what I mean. It's slipping all away away. At the end of out days, we'll escape
did you lose yourself? did you lose health? did you put my memories on the shelf?
Contact Me
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