Happy Turkey Day every one:-D

i just want to start out by saying.. i love my friends. And i want to say sorry to everyone, Shea in praticular, cuz I've been acting really bitchy latley. It's not you guys, at all, its more like family life and being so stressed out and what-not. The usual type of thing. And I'm sorry if I snapped at you on Monday, i've grown to be more independant since i'm always by myself all the time and i dont like it when people see me upset, and when they do I dont want them to pity me. I really couldn't stand it when everyone kept asking me if I was okay or what was wrong constantly throughout the day. When i tell you once i dont want to have to tell you again. I tried getting my mind off things and tried to cheer up, but once I did someone would come along and remind me of it. It wasn't my day. It hasnt been my week, more likley. Shea, you know i love you, and im sorry. I just felt like we were falling apart, and by trying to regain our friendship i made things worse, typical of me, right? I love you guys, each and every one of you, and never forget that!

today we had to go down to mass to visit family and what-not. NOT my idea of a fun time. Typical me playing video games w/ my bros staying away from everyone kind of day. And thats exactly what i did. I really don't like a lot of my family, and i try to stay as far away from them as possiable. Its hard when the closest person to your age there is your 20 year old brother. Food wasn't all that great.. i hate turkey day:(

i really dont know why im updating cuz i have absolutly nothing to say.

school was alright.. french is horriable, the stuff were doing got so much harder and we have an oral quiz on it all 2morrow, so i should probably study:-/. I finally passed that algrabra test after 3 attemps, much like the rest of the class. You'd think that Mr. Ingalls would realize hes not teaching us anything when only 4 people pass a test, but of course not. I dont like the guy, hes a horriable teacher. History is more stressful than ever. This is where all my stress comes from. We have a research paper due the 19th and everything has to be perfect, it is mrs. newton. I have to get a 93 or higher this quarter so i dont have to take the final. Yearbook has been okay. I've been keeping busy with senior grid stuff.

I want to go up to Portland Monday night after school to see Howie Day. It's for VH1, some Inside Track thing. You get to watch him preform and meet him. He's my favorite artist right now, and to meet him would be now would be insane. It's free, too. Portland's only an hour away too, and it starts at 6, so i wouldnt be home too late. I love Howie, beyond beliefe. His music is amazing, theres just something about it.

i feel sick, this stuff sucks. Not the perfect timeing either, cuz im already stressed out and now i have to worry about this. My kidney's hurt and I had a kidney infection frosh year, im just scared to get another one. Its so painful, i almost had to get hospitalized. Its the most painful thing i have ever encountered so far in my life. I'm just really nervous becasue i dont want to go through that pain again. Its hurts so bad that I dont want to move.

Well I dont know whats going on 2morrow if anything. Me, Bri, Dan, and maybe Shea were gonna go bowling but im not sure if we are. Bri or Dan.. lemme know whats going on:-/

well i have to study for that damn french thing, burn a CD to fall asleep to tonight, then finish my Algebra homework. <muchlove33 xoxo

its been quite awhile, hasnt it. much excitment going on! lets start with Monday...

i was dreading school, but it turned out to be an okay day. and then.. what i've been anticipating for ever.. the O.A.R. concert:-D:-D:-D it was so much fun, me bri and court were front and center, it was definatly worth the $17. Vaco (Virginia Coalition) was their opening act.. they werent bad and i kinda liked a couple of their songs. Their keyboardest was amazing... and hot:-P The show was amazing, i want to go to another one.

so we got home around 12:30 and i just couldnt sleep.. i was so wired. I didn't get to sleep until 1:30 and i had to wake up for school at 5:30. DAMNIT. Bri and Courtney the lucky bastards didn't have to go to school.. i was definatly jelous.

school wasn't too bad, except i basically fell asleep in all my classes. But there was just a grim feeling all around the school. A kid, well a should-be senior that dropped out, hung himself. I knew him, not personally, but i've seen him around. I felt especially bad for all the YLers, like Jenn, Riely, and Jetty. poor kids, keep your heads up. I felt horriable about it all day. I didn't even know him and I still felt horriable. Its hard when things like that happen so close to you.

Well i came home and took a 2 hour nap. i couldnt sleep last night.. try 4 hours. Thats 7 hours the past 2 days. that's rough:-/

i wasn't really tired today, not during school anyway. Once I came home I was. But i made wallpaper for my comp with lyrics to my favorite songs. I'm living off music now a days. I'm in love with Howie Day, Jason Mraz, O.A.R., Voca, and Gavin DeGraw. The music just seems so soothing. idk why.. i just come home after school and listen to it, i blast it in my empty house and it takes my mind off things, believe it or not. It changes my day from something horriable to something better. My friends to that too. Ever since the o.a.r. concert i've been cheerful, a lot happier. I have friends that i genually care about and that i can trust. I've trusted people in the past and i've gotten hurt, so i don't trust people so much. I've learned my lesson, but my friends are behind me 100%, as I am to them. They've changed my life in so many ways and I am forever in debt to them. Bri, Shea, Jackie, Kelley, Krista, Dan, Court, Jaye, everyone else, ilu guys.

no plans for this weekend.. just maybe bowling Friday night w/ bri and dan and idk if anyone else. hanging out on friday nights is become a weekly thing, huh guys? lol. Bri's going to Dale's funeral.. wish him well for me.

I miss all my college buddies. I miss Dana. I miss talking to him. Hopefully I'll see him or talk to him soon. Same with Matt.. Texas is way too far away!

well.. i'm gonna go download even more music because i don't have enough. I'll burn a CD one of these days..

wow.. im all over the updating thing the past few days..

yesterday was a boring and pointless day. I sat around and did nothing. the normal weekend thing. Of course, for everyone who knows me, me sitting around by myself is never a good thing. I though about a lot of stuff, and for the most part it made me happier. That must be a first.

This morning, on other hand, was horriable. I've come to the conculusion that i don't know any of my friends, not even Bri. People dont tell me things anymore and my closest friends dont even talk to me anymore. I dont what it is, i know people change as they get older and everything, but usually close friends talk about stuff, and i get the raw end of the deal. I don't see how thats fair at all. I feel invisible around people most of the time, which is a big change since everyone used to notice me and talk to me and everything else. I know i've become a lot more independent, but that doesnt mean i dont want to talk to my friends. I'm growing apart for everyone and that upsets me. me and bri dont really talk about stuff anymore like we used to, but we have fun together. Jaye is probably the only person that understands me. Its hard when you go to having so many friends, to not having many at all. Its a lot to deal with. me and shea have drifted apart, i dont really talk to Jackie much anymore and i wish i did, bri's busy with work and everything and i can't blame her, and the only time i talk to krista or anyone is at school. its complete bullshit. If you don't want to be my friend, tell me, dont talk about me behind my back or pretend to be cuz that only makes matters worse.

well im crying now.. yup good way to start my day.