Sunday, October 19, 2003
^^ haha don't ask.. its physco dot.. "officer dot" lol..
i woke up at 7:30 this morning to 3 husky's crap and piss all over the floor.. gooooood. me and jackie had fun tho, im still covered in dog hair.
i came home around 12:30 and did some homework, watched the pats game, and just kinda layed around. My phish food ice cream made me feel kinda sick but im fine now.
overall i had a pretty good weekend, minus tonight. me and bri are brainstorming prom dates for me, but shea is upset again and wont tell me why. I take so much time out of my day to try to cheer him up but i never feel like it works and i dont know why i even bother anymore. Yah, i love that kid to death, but i don't feel like he appreciates it. He's always there for me when i need him, and im thankful, but all im trying to do is be there for him. I don't know anymore..
if i dont find a prom date and neither does Jaye were gonna go together, girl's night out and i wont be so stressed out and nervous. outta be a good night either way:-D
Marilin's and Yank's are on in a bout an hour so im gonna go get some food, finish watching the football game, then watch the baseball game:) night all
Posted at 7:07:42 pm by x1K5E0G4o
Saturday, October 18, 2003
hanging out with my sistah:-D
right how i'm over Lisa's house wth Jackie.. were house-sitting cuz the huskys can't be left alone. I'm lucky to still be alive! lol they're so hyperactive, i think they're gonna eat me:-/
so yah, last night was not a good night, but shea thanks for talking me out of things. if it wasnt for you i would have killed myself a few times already lol. ilu w/ all my heart:-D
school yesterday was alright, we had a sub for history. The last half an ohour we went down to watch Senator Kerry's daughter talk about his campain for president. Kerry 4 Prez! lol.
we had a soccer game yesterday and we won 2-0. we played Londonderry at home. Thanks to Colin for being such a loyal fan. lol. you're about the only one who comes to watch. We played alright.. Nikki scored:-D bout time girl.. congrats on that one. And good job hitting yourself in the eye, that was priceless:-P Kyle sure like it haha
this morning were the PSATs.. i dont think i did too well. Good thing they're only practice. I had some good ppl in my room, Sami, and Sam, Colin, Jetty, Lyssa, Kittie, Brit, Amy, K10... good stuff.
yah.. thats about all. HOME GAME NEXT THURSDAY vs. MEMORIAL ( i think) 4:00.. last game of the season so you all better be there!
Posted at 5:00:27 pm by x1K5E0G4o
Friday, October 17, 2003
if only this house had a gun
suicidal thoughts running through my brain...
i wish someone cared:'(
Posted at 7:58:21 pm by x1K5E0G4o
Thursday, October 16, 2003
i've been crying for you, waiting for you all this time
school was alright. Ingalls let everyone finish their tests in math today, but added on 2 more pages. Ouch, definatly think i failed:-/
soccer today, working on shooting a little bit, thank god. Nikki and I are gonna head out to the field early 2morrow to work on it some more cuz were sick of missing out shots. But when we scrimmaged each other I scored 3 times.. not too shabby.
bri, im sorry, yet again, for everything thats going on in your life.. you know i'll be here for you. I know you're hoping that we'll hang out more and I'm sure we will, soccer's over a week from today and i'll have my license soon;) i love you babes.
Sox and Yanks on 2night.. Game 7.. BRING IT! haha.. and i have a shitload of homework to do in the next 1.5 hours, I should prolly get started..
HOME GAME 2MORROW vs. LONDONDERRY.. 4:00.. REC FIELD.. GET UR ASS DOWN THERE AND WATCH!! :-D
Posted at 6:37:16 pm by x1K5E0G4o
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
since the moment I spotted you, i've been walking around with little wings on my shoes, my stomache's filled with the butterflys, oh and its alright
i just typed this whole entire thing out.. then some pop up ad came up and erased it all.. this was one hell of a long entry too...
so school today wasnt all that bad. I talked to Troy again for the first time in what seems like forever. I want to buy his Jeep from him, but he can't find a truck and i dont have $3,500.. donations will be accepted:-P hes such a cool kid, im happy him and Shawna are together:) i didnt get to finish my algebra test today, i only had a couple problems left but still, their 5 points a peice:-/ oh well, im not the only who didnt finish. and since this was a makeup test he's taking the highest grade, so hopefully i'll get above a 73...
i talked to bri for a lil while last night. i wish there was something more i could do for her, but all she really wants is space so i'll have to give that to her. I know exactly what she's going through cuz i've gone through it before and im kinda going through it now. I feel that i do so much for my friends and i get nothing in return, not even a "thank you". i really just need to stand up for myself and say "no" but its hard when they're my friends. Every one always says that you should put youself and you problems in front of everyone elses, but i never do. Its never been that way for me. I really need to start though. People always say they'll be there for me because im always there for them, but they're not. Bri, Shea, and Jackie are the only 3 people that have been there for me to talk to the last 2 months. If i didnt have them, i'd probably die. Jackie is a sweetheart and im so glad were not fighting anymore. When she was mad at me for the stupid thing i did i was sad and depressed, not just because of that, but it added to it. Shea is like a brother to me, and i dont know what in the world i would do without him, honestly. I never thought that me and him would become so close, but we have. He's one of my best friends and i love him so much. Bri, is one exception. I will always put her problems in front of mine, no matter whats going on in my life. When she's upset, i'm upset with her. She's like a sister to me and i never want to ruin the friendship we've created over these years. We've grown apart, but we'll always be close. She is like the sister i never had, and she does so much for me. She's going through a lot right now, and i feel like i add to her stress. She says that she does alot for people and it seems like they don't appreciate it. She does a lot for me, and i do appreciate it, but i dont know if she knows that. She's upset with a lot of people, and i havent been myself latley, and sometimes i can't help but think she's upset with me, too. She tells me she's not, but how can I be so sure, you know? I'd do so much for her, i would die for her, i'd do anything for her, more that she'll ever know. I love her so much, shes best the best friend anyone could ever ask for, and im sorry that she doesnt feel the same.. and now im crying. People don't understand and I dont know if they ever will. Why i bother, i dont know.
so yah, bri was sick today. I wish i had my license cuz i would have gone over her house and brang her soup and maybe a movie or something, but i dont so i couldnt:( kinda sucks but what can you do right? i'll make it up to her somehow..
im so sick of school and soccer, only 3 more games left and 4 more practices. By this time Thursday night soccer will be finished for another year. my school work is falling behind, im lazy and tired and sore and just want to sleep all day long, and i need to take a day off of school. With the classes i have i'll prolly fall behind but its a risk im willing to take..
Posted at 4:08:48 pm by x1K5E0G4o
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
is there anyone out there cuz its getting harder and harder to breathe
I just got home from my soccer game maybe 20 minutes ago. We played in Pinkerton. Both teams lost 3-0.. nothing new latley. I didnt get yelled at too much, which is a plus. And 2morrow is Early Release which means.. no practice! :-D 2morrow Kirsten, Audra, Jaye, maybe Abby, and I are going to get lunch after school. We have C1 lunch and really dont want to eat at 9 AM.. thats breakfast! papa gino's i think? mmm
nothing new really happened today, same thing over and over again. I thought that my life was stressful, until I read Bri's journal. poor girl is going through so much and shes trying to do so many things at once. And shes getting sick on top of it. I wish there was something that I could do, but i think whats best is just give her her time alone, since she doesnt have much time to herself. She knows i <3 her:-*
This weekend im spending both Saturday and Sunday with Jackie:-D gonna be a fun time. I miss hanging out with that girl, im just scared that her mom hates me, cuz of what happened. Not gonna get into that one.
im falling behind in my school work so much. I'm suffering. I just cant wait until soccer is OVER and DONE with, thats gonna be so nice:) only 3 more games and 4 more practices. Let the countdown begin!
Posted at 7:47:32 pm by x1K5E0G4o
Monday, October 13, 2003
how far would you go for a dream?
my speaker is making some really weird noises.. that can't be good:-/
today was a much needed day consisting of tons of alone time. I enjoyed every second of it. I didnt talk to anyone online today, went out to eat with my dad and little brother, and slept in. I don't know why i like being so independent latley, maybe because i hate getting involved in everyone elses problems. I want to be there for my friends, but i dont want to be pulled into the middle of a group of friends. I absolutly hate that, yet since i always push my well being aside, i voluntarally tell them I'll talk to the other person, only cuz i hate seeing people upset. I really need to stand up for myself every once and awhile and tell them "no." but i just can't. It tough when you're friends are all upset and they ask you to help, you just can't say no. It's like the look they have, and the way they say it. Its way to hard for me.
on another note anyway, Dallas lost 2night:( i was very upset.. they lost to Buffalo, who is 0-2. So now their 2-1. its okay tho, i can smell the stanley cup this year!
soccer was okay today.. i REALLY need to work on my shooting. Rusty like flipped on me today :-/ not good. we'll see how 2morrow goes. Game in Pinkerton. I'm expecting to loose...
Sox game 2night.. go whoever. I really couldn't care. Yay Baseball..
school 2morrow.. which reminds me, i have homework.. so i'm gonna go do that
Posted at 7:00:02 pm by x1K5E0G4o
Sunday, October 12, 2003
and its okay, if you have to go away
well, today i was supposed to go back down to the mall with my mom. i called her house at 10 and no one answered, so i called her cell and left a message. she called me back maybe 10 minutes later and said she was already down at the mall. WTF!? >:-O she said she was buying a new computer and was waiting for best buy to open. what the fuck ever happened to us going down there? she always changes plans at the last minute or comes up with bullshit lies for not calling me. She acts like i dont know but i do and im sick of it.
Jackie called me and 11 and wanted to know if i wanted to go to the races today, but her dad didnt want to come pick me up. I'm spending the weekend with her next weekend anyway, i totally forgot. She reminded me when she called me.
yah, im not too happy right now. I know i said I was gonna try to be happy this weekend but it didnt work. all i want to do is sleep, since i have mono and all.
shea and bri has a little tiff sorta thing earlier, i kina volunteraly got myself into it and it got me depressed. Shea is such a sweetheart, i love him. he left me messages..
Spauldnftball 57 (7:17:50 PM): WHEN U WERE DOWN IN THE DUMPS 4 THAT 2MOUNTH I TRY 2 BRING U BACK 2 HAPPY LAND I CARE BOUT U ALOT
Spauldnftball 57 (7:18:40 PM): UR SOME1 I CAN TALK 2 U BOUT ANY THING N U CAN DO THE SAME 4 ME
im always there for that kid.. i hope him and bri are okay.. and im gonna go sleep
Posted at 7:50:19 pm by x1K5E0G4o
Saturday, October 11, 2003
I'm all about them words, over numbers, unemcumbered, numbered words
yah, i actually left the house today. Bri, her mom, and I went to Portmouth and Newington and went shopping. It was good to hang out with Bri again. I felt kinda bad though cuz i didnt know if she really wanted me coming:-/
well we went to goodwill in Portsmouth kinda down by Joker's and these 3 gross kids were walking out when we were going in and all i heard when we walked by was "wow". mm.. nice.. :-/ then we went to Khol's and i didnt see too much i wanted, then oldnavy where i only spent 20 bucks on 3 shirts. Quite the deal. Then to the mall, got food, spent 40 bucks in Aeropostale, found a bunch of stuff i want in Weathervane and American Eagle, and bought lotion in bath and body works... mmm. cucumber melon:-P the gay lady in Victoria's Secret didnt know what the fuck she was doing when Bri's mom was trying to give back the shower gel she got for lotion. we were there for.. how long? i dont even know. we left Bri's house at 1 and didnt get home til 5. I'm exhausted.
im heading back down to Newington at some point 2morrow with my mom to buy more stuff:-P
Sami's gonna talk to her boss at Froggies and see if maybe I could get a job there. That would be awesome..
well yah, thats about all. Im trying to cheer up, anyway. I know what I have and I know what I need. I'm gonna stive to get what I need. Just wait and see..
Posted at 7:16:01 pm by x1K5E0G4o
Friday, October 10, 2003
tele-marketers aren't supposed to be calling me..
yah, well today was horriable. what else is new. I'm def. sick of soccer and dont even see what the point of me playing is if all i do is get bitched at, even when i do something right. its bullshit... THIS is the reason why im not playing next year.
i talked to sam about prom.. and she said to bring the same person bri said, but im really not sure. I want to go with a friend, nothing more. I want to go with someone i actually know so i wont feel so uncomfortable.
nothing really happend in school today, just as boring as usual. bullshit that we have soccer on monday when we dont even have school. nobody's gonna be there, everyone's camping. fuck.
yah, sunday i might be hanging out with sami cuz i miss her:( i dont think im hanging out with bri.. maybe wednesday since its early release? my mom's taking me shopping at one point too.. well see:-/
bruines are on.. gonna go watch them loose, they're already behind 2-0:'( poor Taylor broke his foot! Rev's are done now, not gonna win anymore games without him. im so sad.. screw going to the Rev's game now since Twellman wont be playing..
Posted at 8:36:26 pm by x1K5E0G4o
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At the end of the day, I'm gonna say what I mean. It's slipping all away away. At the end of out days, we'll escape
did you lose yourself? did you lose health? did you put my memories on the shelf?
Contact Me
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